Waiting…

It is one of those wet and dreary, grey autumn days. The kind of day that makes you want to curl up under a woolly knit blanket, sip on some Earl Grey tea, listen to Bon Iver, and attend to the rain and wind outside the window. Maybe it’s the changing of the season that captures your attention—that imperceptible shift of the Earth from the Sun that brings more darkness and chill into the mornings and more pumpkin spice into the air. It is always such a blessed relief, just as the unbearable heat and humidity of Late Summer hit their pugnacious crescendo—then you step outside one morning and realize you actually need a light jacket! I think, in an extremely diluted way, that’s a bit what mercy feels like…

Somewhat like the Earth, in a way, life also has seasons. But unlike the seasons of the Earth, the seasons of life are not often nearly as predictable or easy to discern. Ecclesiastes 3 famously states that there is a time for everything—but how do you know if you are in a season of scattering stones or gathering stones?? I can think of plenty of good reasons to do both! After several months of reflecting on this idea, I came to realize that I am in a season of waiting. I often feel myself wrestling with the cards in my hand, trying to make sense of the life I have been given and figure out if there’s something else I should be doing? Something I am missing? Or some end I should be pursuing? Or is this just…it? You know, the basic questions of what am I doing with my life? What is my purpose? Do I have direction? Heck, do I have a calling?! I just feel it deep inside my spirit—Wait For The Lord.

Waiting.

Drat. I could be—I don’t know—doing something actually productive?! Ugh! Waiting is m i s e r a b l e! Waiting sucks! Imagine your LIFE—but sitting in traffic. Imagine standing in line to ride a roller coaster, but never actually getting to the front of the line! Imagine watching the last of the honey make its drowsy dribble way down the bottle—but watching it in slow motion… Waiting is BORING. Waiting is DRAINING. Waiting is a waste of TIME. Here is what my life has felt like recently: like I pulled up a stool to a blank wall, and I have been sitting there, staring at the wall watching the dry paint dry some more. You know how they say, “a watched pot never boils?” The idiom analogy of my current life is that I am standing in my kitchen (dark bags under my bloodshot, weary eyeballs), watching a pot of water come to a boil…Just…watching…waiting… There is a degree of soul-crushing monotony in our current day-to-day caregiving life. I was talking to Katie recently and explained that it feels like I am living a flat-lined version of my life—and I am supposed to what—just keep—waiting?? Are you serious??

I think what God is trying to teach me (albeit through my thick dome, tiny brain, and restless [undiagnosed] ADHD energy…), is that there is actually nothing more productive or faithful that I could ever do in all of my life, than to wait on Him.

I mean, How. Many. Times. do we see this idea of WAITING all throughout the Bible (the Israelites waiting to enter the promised land, Hannah waiting for a son in 1 Samuel 1, David waiting to become king, waiting for deliverance through decades of slavery, captivity, and exile, waiting for centuries for the long-expected Messiah). How. Many. Times. does it go SO WRONG for people who are trying to hurry things along and “help God out” a bit with his plan or pacing or productivity? Abraham and Hagar in Genesis 16, the Israelites and the golden calf in Exodus 32, Moses striking the rock in Numbers 20, King Saul offering sacrifices in 1 Samuel 13, after impatiently waiting on Samuel to show up (though to his credit, he did wait for 7 days…). In all of these cases, there were some serious consequences, some of which are still being felt to this day, thousands of years later!

Now, what if, as a culture, we have actually completely misjudged the idea of waiting? After all, God does not wait, he is outside of time. Here is something that I forgot that Peter told us not to forget in 2 Peter 3:8 “But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.” Oops. This revelation does not bode well for our timelines or expectations about waiting… So, what else can there be to this painful idea of waiting? What if—it’s not always about getting from A to B or “being productive” or accomplishing a task? What if the most mundane and mind numbing acts of day-to-day living (and waiting) can actually serve as holy places of worship and reflection—reflecting not on the impassivity of our circumstances (or how long that dang light stays red), but on the Goodness of our God? Is it possible to glorify God while watching a pot of water come to a boil?

In his book The Practice of the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence, a 17th-century monk explored this idea through his life of humility and service as he developed a keen awareness of the presence of God in the everyday moments of his life (which, as an uneducated monk living 400 years ago, were sure to include a mundane moment or two…). Brother Lawrence worked in the kitchens and washed dishes—and whether peeling potatoes or watching water come to a boil, he developed a striking ability to bring God into every aspect of his life—and therefore no part of his life was wasted in his waiting. Because of his awareness of God’s presence (even in the simple or quiet or commonplace), God became a part of his every breath and that alone was more than enough (thus what he was actually doing didn’t actually matter in the slightest!). Perhaps one of his most well known quotes is the following:

“We ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed.”

God isn’t after our productivity or efficiency—he is outside of time, remember? (1,000 years = 1 day) He is, and has always been, about the condition of our hearts! In fact, his desire is to be good to you—to bless you in your waiting. To renew your strength. To act for you.

• Lamentations 3:25 “The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”
• Isaiah 30:18 “Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him.”
• Psalm 33:20-22 “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”
• Psalm 37:34 “Wait for the Lord and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off.” 
• Psalm 62:5 “For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him.”
• Isaiah 64:4 “From of old no one has heard or perceived by the ear, no eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for him.” 
• Isaiah 40:31 “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” 
• Psalm 27:14 “Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” 

In my restless and sinful heart, I can feel myself drawn into frustration (and maybe even bitterness at times.). I sometimes want to act in my own strength and wisdom, in order to “help God out” a bit. But, not so much anymore. I am coming to realize that waiting on the Lord—waiting on his timing, waiting on his plans, waiting on him to renew me as I moment-by-moment, place my hope and trust in him—is all he is asking of me. I will not lean on my own understanding, for my life is in the hands of the maker of heaven. That’s it.

I hope that the next time you find yourself waiting (whether in an Ecclesiastical season, or in a long checkout line at Costco), that you would take a moment and incline your heart and thoughts toward God and see if that doesn’t just take the angst (or dread) out of the act of waiting. Who knows, you may just grow to like it!

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Since My Last Post…

• May: We moved into our home (I do hope this is our last move for quite some time…)
• June: We had a semi family reunion, returned to Memphis for the Commissioning Dinner of our Dental Residency program, celebrated Katie’s birthday by going to see Ellie Holcomb and Lauren Daigle
• July: We spent a few days at a special needs camp with other Trisomy 13 and Trisomy 18 families, we adopted 2 homeless guinea pigs**, we started our 2nd year of homeschool—Addie in K and Ellie in 2nd
• August: We celebrated Ellie’s birthday, I visited my sister
• September: Another visit with my sister (the girls came too, mainly to meet her new cat), girls and I camped at Ft. Boonesborough (after much convincing that there were no longer any Indians around…)

(**Guinea Pigs. Let’s just say, this was our biggest mistake of 2024… Eliana is a self-described “animal person” and had been begging us for years to get a[nother] pet. After much back and forth, we did not want her to end up in therapy one day, in tears that her pertinacious parents never let her do anything special because of the constant demands of her special needs little sister… So, we came across 2 guineas in the area, who ended up owner-less, and so we hesitantly decided to test the waters. You know, here’s a little fact you may not have realized about guineas (it is certainly not a much-advertised fact when folks are seeking to rid themselves of their rodent friends), a standard guinea pig will poop anywhere from 100-150 times per day. With 2, you can do the math as to how much excess excrement there is to clean up. They eat constantly, which means that in a matter of minutes, their entire living space can be covered in pellety tic tac fecal matter… You get the gist. Needless to say, they have been banished to the garage (until we can find an actual loving home for them to be permanently relocated to!)